Funny reasons why the English language is
so hard to learn
English is a crazy language. So hard
to learn. But it makes for clever plays
on words. A homophone is where two words
sound ("phone") the same but have different
meanings. Here are some homophones and other
witty jokes on the English language.
Let's face it -- English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English
muffins weren't invented in England or French
fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while
sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore
its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can
work slowly, boxing rings are square and a
guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it
a pig. And why is it that writers write but
fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and
hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't
the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese.
So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make
amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and
get rid of all but one of them, what do you
call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers
praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does
a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally
insane. In what language do people recite
at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck
and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run
and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be
the same, while a wise man and a wise guy
are opposites?
And what about these linguistic oddities?
And by the way, they're only homophones
if they sound the same but differ in meaning
or spelling or both, like bare and bear.
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse
more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead
out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert
in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present,
he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass
drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about
how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close
it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does
are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into
a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught
his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got
number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I
shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series
of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate
friend?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
of a language in which your house can burn
up as it burns down, in which you fill in
a form by filling it out and in which, an
alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers,
and it reflects the creativity of the human
race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why, when the stars are out, they
are visible, but when the lights are out,
they are invisible.
PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?
(Author unknown).
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